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ABSTINENCE / CHASTITY
                

                For Strong Bodies...and
                     Confident Souls!!!

                                                                               

But sadly, teens and young people of all ages – in schools, universities and careers - are surrounded by messages from the movie industry, advertisers, the media, TV, theater, their environments, news, and our culture in general about the normalness and goodness of sex before marriage. 

Yet, it is from abstinence that they will:

  • Develop greater self-respect
  • Have more self-esteem
  • Learn how to truly love and truly be loved
  • Become totally empowered

But, they are rarely told this. This is what 93% of the parents want, and it is not what "informed" young people want.

But, instead of teaching abstinence in schools, universities and colleges, "Abstinence-Plus" is taught.  It is not the same. 

  • It's name is very deceptive
  • It is only 4.7% about abstinence and 95.3% about contraceptives and having sex.  

The schools do not trust students to do abstinence.  But we and their parents know better.

 

 

Informed youth
vote for abstinence according to:

Seventeen Magazine

 


The fact is, when students from 8 years old and up are taught the truth about the dangers of contraception and abortion, over 80% instinctively favor abstinence. 90% of teenagers, including 89% of boys, say that being a virgin in high school is a good thing.  Nearly 75% say their peers support them if they say no to sex.....this information is based on a Kaiser Family Foundation National survey. Listen for yourself -- to the teens at the bottom of this page who enthusiastically do abstinence in accordance with the given Theology of the Body programs for teens.

Here are just some examples of the risks associated with taking contraceptives. The Birth Control section gives many more and much more information.

  • Every day, 8,000 American youth are infected with a sexually transmitted disease.
  • The CDC estimates that 900,000 living Americans are infected with HIV and the majority do not know it.
  • About 85% of the women and 40% of the men are infected with Chlamydia don’t know it….yet.
  • Condoms are useless against HPV – which could cause cancer or kill.
  • STDs can be passed skin to skin (that means all forms of sex are dangerous including oral, anal, vaginal, mutual masturbation).
  • About 15% of those using condoms get pregnant.
  • 1 out of every 5 Americans over the age 11 has genital herpes.
  • Early Sex  (Females Under 17) -- Substantially increases risks for cervical cancer[1A]:
In adolescent, an area of the cervix which is still maturing and undergoing changes is most susceptible to the human Papilloma virus (HPV) and can be influenced by the virus to initiate  neoplastic change.

Multiple sexual partners increases the risk of exposure to HPV further and add complications of easier attack by STDs.

Promiscuity of a male partner is also an additional  risk  factor.

The problem is that young people are not being given the science -- the truth which will give them a chance to make informed decisions for themselves and become empowered.




Did You Know!!!

Most parents want for their children to be taught  the truth -- and given the chance to make the decision to abstain.  They also prefer programs that give young people the training, testimonies, encouragements, group activities, and other tools they need to create successful personal abstinence programs for themselves. 

They want 100% abstinence and have faith that, with help, their children can do it. See Chapter 6, pages 47-51, of the below insightful article. http://www.heritage.org/Research/Welfare/upload/67539_1.pdf  Invite your friends to read it too.  Unfortunately, abstinence is not  the training that the schools and universities offer.

The media, universities and abortion-contraceptive industries justify their pro-sex messages and programs in schools by saying they are more realistic than parents.  Imagine!  They say that they do not believe in the abilities of our youth to abstain and parents should not also.

They continually insult parents, disparage our youth and misrepresent the capabilities of our youth. 

Here is a site that argues on behalf of parents and you --  against the promotion of contraceptive training in schools  http://blog.abstinence.net/  Be sure to scan some of their blobs, like:

  • “The Financial Power of the Sexual Industry”
  • “Planned Parenthood Teaching Abstinence is like OJ Simpson Teaching Anger Management”
  • “Common Sense or Condom Cents”

Real Love Waits

(For Females of All Ages and Backgrounds)
©KAROL-Davide Publications 2007.  All Rights Reserved.

What ARE the benefits of early sex?

Without the true facts, many young people are more easily lured by educational systems, cultural messages and myths about having sex before marriage, contraception and abortion.  Below are just some of the major enticements which promise a lot, but deliver so-so little. In fact, they lead to fool's gold.  Do NOT buy them.  You are too smart for that. If, however,  you have fallen for one or two of them, gone down the slippery slope, forgive yourself -- we all have times in our lives when we had let ourselves be lead into something we later regretted.  The important thing is to stop and create a plan for change. Click on each to become aware of typical entrapments, alternative ways of thinking, and some tried-and-true approaches to life. There is a lot to read here, but it will be worthwhile -- for you or a friend. 

A Discreet Way to
Try Chastity & Abstinence


If the information here and in the "Birth Control Choices" section has helped you to consider abstinence, a good way to proceed without committing yourself, or tipping your hat to your friends and relatives, is to:

  • Just quietly start doing some of the activities suggested in the "Test Your Relationship" section -- from the "Activities to Build a Loving Relationship" table.

  • Do these with your male friends or existing boyfriends, and you might even try them with some girl friends to strengthen those relationships. 

    They  will give you a realistic idea of all the work that goes into developing a strong, reciprocal, and lasting relationship.  Some of you have seen this with your parents.

    Doing some of them for a period of time, you will see there is less time left for sex,or less emphasis on it, or that you may even prefer them to the kind of sex you have been engaging in.

    If you find yourself with a change of heart (even a little one) continue on this path.  Let it take hold.  Old habits will try to intrude.  Keep them at a distance -- manage them -- take charge -- fight for yourself!  It is worth is because you are worth it.  After some time, you may wish to begin to inform future boy friends, and other friends, of this new course.


  • Lots of
    Reading Help!

    To help you, go to the Pure Love Club, and read what others think about being pure before marriage --at http://www.pureloveclub.com/research/index.php?id=43o   -- some of it may confirm your own thoughts and assist you to become ready to share your new feelings with your boyfriend or fiancé.


       Great Testimonies!!!

    Also scan the pages on Chastity and Abstinence  http://www.pureloveclub.com/purelove/index.php?id=22 

    Especially read the below case studies which will prepare you well to talk with the male person in your life:
  • Amanda, Kristie, Rory
  • Andrew, Kristina
  • And definitely Josh, and Daniel

     

  • Communicating
    Your New Thoughts on Chastity
    & Abstinence to Your Mate

    If you mate values you -- as a person -- he will respect your decision to live chaste. Realize, it is never too late to start a new chaste life.  At first, your mate may try to tell it is too late or in other ways talk you out of it.  He may not believe you can really succeed at it, and he may even try to test you.  If you stay determined and steadfast, he will realize you are sincere. 

    Keep communicating, and sharing your thoughts, plans and feelings.  No one can argue with this, as they are yours. 

    Also, your communication should not be to blame or hurt the other person, and you should definitely seek to communicate the benefit your male partner would derive. The approach might be something like:

    • “I have been thinking a lot lately about…..and have come to some really solid new thoughts about our relationship……they will actually help us develop a more meaningful relationship…..and we will have more opportunity to do a wider variety of things together…(refer to chart above)”,  or 

    • “I have been doing some soul searching, and I would like to redesign our relationship to match who I am – I concerned we drifted into a space that is not me…..it will actually help us develop a more meaningful relationship…..and we will have more opportunity to do a wider variety of things together…(refer to chart above)”,   or

    • “I have not been feeling good about the course our relationship has taken, and I want to put it back on a track I can feel comfortable with……it will actually help us develop a more meaningful relationship…..and we will have more opportunity to do a wider variety of things together…(refer to chart above)” 

    Be prepared to be kind, understanding and gentle, but... to stick to your plan. Do not let the other person try to coerce you into accepting another definition of a good and loving relationship. Avoid continuing discussion if it seems to be leading to a dead end or argument.  Talk to a professional to determine how to proceed.

    Alert.  If your friend has been coercing you, physically or psychologically, and you know he will resent considering a new path, you may want to talk with a professional first -- discuss it with the director of the pregnancy care center  – they are used to hearing stories of coercion and giving helping in these circumstances.  She will have advice for you. 

    If you do not have a coercion or abuse problem, and just generally stumped, ask your parents for help, a pastor, rabbi, coach, or other person that you feel has good judgment.  But, if you have had chronic problems asserting yourself, you may want to see a psychologist (be careful – make sure he/she favors abstinence first – so you will get professional support in this new direction). Better to tend to any difficulties asserting now than later in your marriage. Pregnancy care centers may also be able to provide a referral.

    If You Are
    a College or Unv Student
    ,
    or Have a New Position

    Shouldn't this really be a time for you to devote to you!  It may be your only chance to perfect what you are doing before you marry and have children.  It is always nice to have a career underway, and a track record of success, before you make a decision to marry, have children, or make other life commitments. 

    During this time, when you are perfecting your skills for a career, It is okay to put off having close relationships, and to simply stay focused on what you are doing. Become super at it. Take extra courses, etc, as we said before and give yourself a chance to excel – to experience how good that feels.  What a healing.  Ignore pressures from yourself or others to get involved in intimate relationships or rush into marriage too soon. 

    But, do pay some attention to people you meet that you like and especially those that may be potential candidates for a serious relationship. Network with them and meet in groups (remember, the way you used to do when you were too young to date) -- go on casual dates --  in places where there are lots of people.  You get the idea. Then, when you feel at ease enough with your chosen profession to date seriously, give some of them a call.

    As soon as you begin abstaining, you should find that you have soooo much more time to S T U D Y,  you should get terrific grades, awards, honors!  Or, if you are working, you should be learning about the business -- and soon be up for promotions!  We want to hear about your successes.

    Use this approach to safeguard yourself
    and keep life uncomplicated at this stage.  It is
    difficult to excel in school or on the job when you have emotional pulls and ties –
    especially for us ladies.  We have more emotions. 
    It will be wonderful for you to have strong emotional relationships when the time is right for them, and you are free to get married.  Then, you can let go and enjoy. 
    It will be worth the wait.


    Some Fun Exercises!!!!
    Start a Group!
     

    Consider talking to some of your friends about the new information you are discovering and re-evaluating whether it is time to follow another program – abstinence and chastity.  You might also talk to them about building a group that meets regularly – every 2 or 4 weeks. For example:

    • Pizza & A Talk -- you all meet to talk about your challenges and successes with abstinence & chastity -- and eat pizza.
    • Bible, Abstinence & Chastity Talk Group  -- as you go through Bible study courses, meet once per month to talk about abstinence and what the Bible has to say about it.
    • Combine Volunteering, Abstinence and Religion into a VAR Group.  Form a group that volunteers to speak to the youth at various churches, temples, mosques, and place of worship about abstinence and chastity.  You only need to talk about 30 minutes to be effective.  Then do questions and answers for another 15. Tell your local newspaper what you are doing – they will be impressed.
    • Combine Rachel Ray's wonderfully easy recipies with other fun activities with your younger brothers and sisters. See http://www.yum-o.org/index.php
    • You might want to model it after the Pure Love Club, or if you are Catholic you may want to start a Pure Love Club

      http://www.pureloveclub.com/purelove/index.php?id=22

    You have always had the capabilities to do this.  You just needed to find out that you were headed down a path that would ultimately hurt you a lot.  And, you need to get some support. 

    List what you want in a husband  (or do not want)

    A good exercise is to make a list (or collection over time) of the traits you would like your future husband to have.

    Think about the type of list you might have created before you read this section. There are probably some interesting differences. Keep updating your list over the next few years.  From time to time, think ahead and picture what traits you might want when you are  in your 30’s, 40’s, even  50’s.  Thinking  ahead and about the future will help you select the right person to spend your life with. 

    It's more fun if you do this with a group of female friends (even better if they have been considering chastity and abstinence too).


    Catholic  & Other Teens Looking for Love!

    Check out the below
    Theology of the Body Videos

    A New and Healthier Sexual
    Perspective for Teens!
    Intro by Chris West


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnDJDT0TSbE



    More from Chris West -- this is for
    youth of all religions!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gu2UKAz1arg

    Based on the Writings of Pope John Paul II -
    Loved by Youth
    All Over the World!

     

    Woman was created with a special Genius.
    She is intuitive enough to know how to sincerely receive love and then give love back.
    Her body is designed for this.
    Whereas a man is designed to build, dig, defend....
    he must be out there. He is not inner; he is outer.

    She was created as Man's helper -- to gently help men learn to receive and give love
    to their wives, children, and other loved ones.
    This is a noble mission and she, woman, is God's adored creation!
    He has put His faith for our race in woman's hands.

     

    Agreement from
    The Protestant Perspective



    The Youth Perspective
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbzoE3bdudc

    View the below. It may completely change your life!  If you want more understanding, contact your parish youth group.  If you are Protestant or another religion, contact your youth group and ask your director to help you find a similar program OR GET THE BOOKS;
    http://www.omsoul.com/catalog/theology-of-the-body-for-teens-program-materials-p673.html

     

     

     

     

     

    e-body-for-teens-program-materials-p673.html

     

    For more online information:

    These sites will give you more of the same information, in their own way, and more exercises! 

    www.pureloveclub  (you have seen some of the links from this site, but there are many more – also, check out the pure love club video in our media library)
    www.generationlife.org (recommended by One More Soul)
    www.reapteam.org (also recommended by One More Soul - a home made site - -run by a diocese – arch diocese of St Louis, but very good)
    http://www.Abstinence_Training.com/  (recommended by the CT Right to Life Corporation)


    Stay in Touch!!!

    Keep in touch and let us know how you do – we care – go to the  “About Us”  page and  click on the “Feedback Form” at the bottom of the page. 

    We will keep adding more information -- need to add information on Safe Haven, parenting, praying the "Our Father" (no matter what religion), affirmations, diet, etc.  It will be a wonderful site.

    If you have any like-minded friends, tell them about this site.  Or if you find other great sites or articles on abstinence, let us know about them! 

    You can help us too.  We  need abstinence success stories like those on the Pure Love Club.

    We also need some studies with statistics that can be replicated (what a great white paper or thesis) such as  

    1. “On hearing the truth, 80% of the students at ______ universities decided for chastity & abstinence until marriage!” 
    2. “Of students who decided for abstinence, ___% say that five years later, they are still practicing both chastity and abstinence.  They also report that the chastity part (avoiding sources of temptation) help a lot.
    3.  “Of students who decided for abstinence, ___% say their marriages are doing better than their peers who used contraceptives”
    4. “Of students who decided for abstinence< ___% say it was an easy transition to use Natural Family Planning  http://www.ctrtl.com/nfp.htm  -- see the definition of this at the National Right to Life Site.  In time, we will have a whole section on Natural Family Planning which is 99% safe (just as save as the best of contraceptives without the risk).  This statistic is from Mother Theresa who used NFP with thousands of couples in Africa and India. And, it is true that those who practiced abstinence report back that it is easier for them to use self discipline and abstain in their marriage when pregnancy can occur.  Interestingly, we hear back that these couples feel they have happier marriages because they have learned to respect themselves, each other and God.

     If you have any, please send them.  Use the same Feedback Form at the bottom of the “About Us” section. T-h-a-n-k-s!!! This will help your peers.

     Enjoy!  God bless you and your special-ness!   

                                        star1         star2         

    You are all beautiful!star3

    star8star4

     

    Online Sources:

    Book or Pamphlet Sources:

    1A.  The Manual of Outpatient Gynecology, by Carols S. Havens, Nancy D. sullivan, 2002, Fourth Edition, page 164. http://books.google.com/
    books?id=J6CEqJpNTzAC&pg=
    PA220&lpg=PA220&dq=iuds+
    dangers+infection&source=web&ots
    =vCqI0wOKHu&sig=
    _TO1ytQOtE3KTZI_ZCPKs2CFa2E#PPA164,M1

    2A.  “Just Thought You Aught to Know" Medical Institute, Dr. Joe S. McIlhaney, Jr.)http://www.google.com/products?q=Dr.+Joe+S.+
    Mcllhaney%2C+jr&btnG=Search+Products&hl=en&show=dd

     

    Footnote:  Parents & Educators

    http://www.Abstinence_Training.com/ (recommended by the CT Right to Life Corporation)

    www.abstinenceclearinghouse (for up to date information on birth control, STDs, symptoms, legislation, etc.



    Appendix

    Real Love Waits
    ©KAROL-Davide Publications 2007.  All Rights Reserved.

    To be popular

    Most ads for female products such as cosmetics, hair products, and jeans, suggest that their products will help females to be more alluring and popular. They, too, are misleading our females - of all ages.  Some, unfortunately, buy in to it.
    **********************************************************************
    At a parish dance, I found a young women in a closet with one of the boys. This was not the first time. With love I reached out to her.  She said, “Let’s face it, this sex is all I have going for me”.   We sat and talked, and she really believed that.  Somehow, she did not place a value on her intelligence, warmth, ability to have empathy, and her evident creativity.  The sad part is that this blindness to self-beauty is typical among too many of females.  Yet, we females were all created with God's participation, blessings and gifted by Him with unique qualities and talents -- we are all special and beautiful!  
    ***********************************************************************

    The way to stand out, differentiate yourself from others, or be popular, at any stage in life, in your personal life, social life and in business, is not by wearing this or that product, by being alluring, or by having sex.  It is by developing that which makes you – “YOU” – what God gave you!  and by showing it off.  Ask God to help you discover what unique capabilities and talents you have that may be hidden from you.

    An effective way is to explore what your interests are.  Often the interests we have will lead us to our talents.So, question yourself:  am I more interested in science, writing or literature?  Math, sports, the arts, or music?  Or, maybe I would like to be a good chef, scientist, photographer, a peace core missionary, or sports announcer. 

    Take some time to do this -- go to the library and investigate each of your potential areas of interest, and talk to people already in that field. If you conduct your research now, you will have time to think about it while you reorganize your life to act on it.  Ask God to help you in this effort, which could be a life-changing exercise for you. 

    Once you identify your unique interests, work to develop them.  Be willing to do whatever you must -- such as improve your reading capabilities, acquire good study habits – take a lot of notes if you have to.  Take use school tutors, join clubs and study groups, go to seminars and trade shows, and fully use resources at high schools, universities, on the job, and the Internet. Determine if you should go to a trade school, take specialized training, or get another degree? Cultivate your interests and talents until they become visible to others.  Be open to taking the time in years needed to become expert. This is a journey, it will not happen over night. If parents do not encourage this, take responsibility. You will win their respect when they see your determination and persistence. Do not accept excuses from yourself. If you follow a path like this, you will delight yourself, and you will receive rewards every step of the way.

    Just starting this process – which is one of self-discovery  --   will give you more self-confidence, self-liking, and well-being. As you proceed, ask God to help you make the right choices and to give you any assistance you need (especially to help you avoid being distracted by friends, family, financial, or political, or social difficulties, etc.).   He generally answers such prayers with blessings and extra help. 

    In fact, as you develop your unique talents and use them, you will also realize other great qualities along the way like courage, strength of character, focus, inner harmony, determination, and ability to clearly communicate.  Some will come from what you do, some will be gifts from God as rewards. Your whole person will become intrinsically more attractive in a very real and lasting way.  You will be on your way to becoming the awesome human being you are, and none of you should need to or want to have early sex to be popular at any age.


     

    Real Love Waits
    ©KAROL-Davide Publications 2007.  All Rights Reserved.

    To be perceived as equal to men

    Equality with men is something we should have.   To get real equality, women must, with God’s daily help, formulate a plan for her life, taking her talents, mental capabilities, personality and temperament into consideration.  And she must operate to that plan.  If it includes extra schooling, she must be willing to work to make it happen.  She might also think how her plan will include marriage and children. 

    When she discusses marriage with her fiancé or boyfriend, she should have a clear understanding of who she is, and what she needs to be happy.  She should also be able to communicate her plans for after the wedding.  For example, how she plans to include religion in their lives and how she will continue to develop her talents-skills and use them to assist him, their children and families, at work, or in religious or community volunteer work. She should NOT passively leave all decisions to the male without strong inputs from her. 

    Her direct and assertive inputs, blessed by God, and based on a solid knowledge of herself and a track record of successes in school or work will win her equality.  If all women did this, they would earn true emancipation and equality with men.

    Equality does not depend on the roles we play,
    But on being what we are.

     

    Real Love Waits
    ©KAROL-Davide Publications 2007.  All Rights Reserved.

    To express their independence

    This is a spectacular thing to do.  However, beware of the mistakes many women of all ages have made -- which are:1)  To express independence through a man.  It is better to develop your personal independence and use that to help and assist your husband (and later your children).
    2)  To express independence by copying men.    We should find our independence the fe mine way.  But how do we do that.  We must get in touch with our basic female qualities and use them – at all ages and stages in our lives.  

    Females have more feelings and intuition than men which is helpful in all aspects of life from personal and family to business and education. 


    ************************************************************************
    The exception is when these attributes are diminished by chronic abuse, anxiety, or poor habits (such as drugs, alcohol, daydreaming, etc.)  In all cases, some professional help might be needed to gently get back in touch again -- with feelings and the intuitive. If abuse is your problem, realize that there is nothing wrong with you that warrants any kind of abuse -- the sickness is on the part of the abuser.  If any of this is part of your history, please do something about it.  Help yourself by seeking some professional help -- many very good psychologists accept various forms of state or government provided insurance.  Work it out to enjoy these qualities of yours again, and reap the many benefits they bring.
    ************************************************************************ The intuitive and creative abilities are valued in business. The intuitiveness and creativity are valued in business, especially in positions that training, a mentoring type of management, education and guidance. Teachers and professors train and guide their students.  An aspect of technical research and development (R&D) involves helping engineers or programmers to evolve their talents to stay in step with technology standards. Marketing research involves understanding markets and translating needs for customers and the rest of the organization. Doctors, lawyers, salespersons and nurses must be very people oriented.   Store managers, sales managers, and banking branch managers do a lot of coaching, product training and competitive training to empower sales personnel and give confidence. These are just a few of the positions that value the intuitive and creative which we ladies have “naturally”. Think about it -- companies spend a lot of money to find employees who are more more intuitive or train them --to ensure that their company will be more creative in all aspects -- operations, procedures, processes, products, services, etc.  The Motherhood vocation depends on the intuitive. Being a mother should be given more value by society, just as positions in corporations. It too depends heavily on the intuitive and creative.  Let's evaluate just some of it -- it involves being able to intuitively anticipate your children's needs and tune into your children's emotions -- to have emotional empathy, visualize their difficulties, and steer their development toward maturity.  An intuitive mother knows she must do more than feed, clothe, and provide a basic education for her children -- she knows she must equally help her children to learn about family, God, love, how to behave in socially acceptable ways, and also how to deal with inabilities as they try new things.  She knows she must show them that making mistakes is natural and okay, that when they fall – they must try again, to accept their shortcomings, to play to their strengths, and not be disappointed if their parents, employers, family, religion and world are not perfect -- but instead to be gently assertive and see the good in them to love. She will, of course, want to identify her children's greatest talents, help in their development and use in school groups, clubs, and competitions, and to have successes there to win acceptance, develop self-esteem, and attract friends.  All this equates to giving her child a chance to be greater than mediocre and, oriented toward goodness, and to gain a strong sense of inner well-being that is firm enough to withstand the discipline a mom and dad must give, put downs from friends, co-worker disapprovals, and the hard times in life without caving in.

     When a mother does all of this well, it wins her a tremendous sense of joy and achievement that lasts a lifetime, even through eternity.

     

    Real Love Waits
    ©KAROL-Davide Publications 2007.  All Rights Reserved.

    To deal with anxiety and tension

    Anxiety is prevalent in our American society. Many adults suffer with this as do university students, young adults and career people. It is also typical among teens.  In youth groups of 25-50 teens from 13 to 18, 70% complained of extreme anxiety and worrying -- and it did not matter if they were from poor, middle-America or upscale neighborhoods. Nor did it matter if they were excellent or poor students. Geography was not a factor either -- having had experience with youth groups in California and in CT.  The same is true of young people in universities and at work.  So, let's look at what causes anxiety in our society and ways to eliminate it without having to keep crazy-busy all the time, daydream allot, drink, do drugs or try to drown it in someone's arms, with pornography, and sex. If not caused by these or other destructive habits ( the very habits that are used to get rid of anxiety) anxiety is generally caused by:

    1) A busy-ness with a lot of stuff.  While this in itself could be fine and essential to success (when it is deliberate and not compulsive), it should be balanced with religious activity. It is from our religions, with the help of our religious communities and God, that we obtain guidelines on how to live which cannot be obtained by just privately talking to God or reading the Bible alone and unguided.

    *******************************************************************
    Think about it. We are designed in the image of God,  we are much more complex than we realize. So, we need our religions to help us sort it all out...   Without religious smarts, and left to their own resources, humans start feeling disconnected and then they get insecure and anxious. They know their life is missing something important, but do not know what it is. It is like when you try to remember something, and cannot recall what you should remember -- you may get anxious. Or, when you have lost something you love and cannot immediately find it -- you may get anxious and remain that way until it is found. Well, this is the same type of anxiety, intensified and spread out over time.

    Many search for peace and calm through hard work, habits, sex, money, career, things, doctors, medicines after medicines, etc., but they fail. Though they acquire worldly success, life is harder.  It is also difficult to relax with this type of anxiety. It is like trying to be successful in grad school without the necessary academic smarts that should have been acquired at the university level.  Or, trying to be a successful marketing communications person without business smarts – in this case, without ever learning the products you are advertising. There are no short cuts in life.  Why do people think there are short cuts with God.
    ********************************************************************

    For most young people through middle aged people, anxiety happens when there is little or no participation in your religion.  Or, when the participation is mostly superficial.  For example, when too much emphasis on the social aspects or pleasing another person and not enough on seeking to learn how to live from God.  The fruit of this is a weak sense of inner direction and conscience, forced productivity, and a life that is very busy, and though it is productive, it is also less predictable and less controllable, and therefore less fulfilling – much more difficult. You can avoid this. 

    Make a choice to have a calm, joyous and fulfilling life.  Include guidance from God in your life in the form of a Bible study program, a prayer group, a religious center at a university, youth ministry, or other.  Also, ask God to increase your inner direction, smooth out your life, set you on a path that is aligned with what He knows is good for you, and to help you to reduce your anxiety ASAP. He will do it, but you must take some actions to show you are sincere. 
       
    2)  Anxiety can also be caused by an imbalance in activities.  It is important to have a good balance of emotional-creative activity”, intellectual-planning activity, and doing-work” activity  -- that result in fruits – good grades, a good life plan, being a great mother, getting ahead as a worker, being a reliable community volunteer. If any of these are out of balance, we feel it and anxiety results.  For example, if our emotional life is excessive, or our intellectual activity is just to theorize but bears no fruits, we can make ourselves less functional (and increase anxiety).   However, with a good sense of inner direction, developed from participation in your religion, you will quickly identify imbalances and have a chance to correct them – to "tune your life for success".
     
    3)  Other contributing factors:  There are other influences on anxiety and personality that we did not discuss above --  that are less common and may be contributing factors.  They include inadequate diet (as when away at school), the wrong mix of medicines,  mixing medicines and alcohol, learning disabilities, a poor choice of friends who pull you away from developing your talents, a lack of active-listening by people who love you (you know, never being heard and feeling unconnected), and many-many other things -- including significant stressful events ( such as the death of a parent or spouse, new job, graduation from college or university, relocation to a new state, or chronic daily events such as a chronic illness, loneliness, despair, abuse, or coercion by others).  

    Alert.  Whenever there is a lot of anxiety, there may be multiple causes. Then, it is a good idea to get a checkup from a medical doctor (internist).  If your anxiety is oppressive, you should also seek psychological help, which you can find through your parents and religious leaders.  If they cannot help, contact one of the pregnancy care centers listed at this site.  Though it is not their responsibility to help you with this, because girls with pregnancy crises generally have a lot of anxiety, for a good reason, the personnel there know experts who can help. They will be able to direct you to a good and caring source of professional help. Then, as soon as you can, also get involved in your religion in a God-based activity, such as Bible study or prayer group.  This will help you to smooth out your anxiety and maintain a sense of control and calm.

     

    Real Love Waits
    ©KAROL-Davide Publications 2007.  All Rights Reserved.

    To be mature and win love


    Being responsible for your happiness (and not relying on this or that person to be happy) will win you more opportunities for respect, and therefore “real” love.  Real love has no opportunity to happen, when you are overly dependent on the other person for happiness; what blooms in this environment, unfortunately, is not love -- just infatuation, lust, or co-dependence which never last.

    Maturity is the ability to be responsible for yourself in a realistic way.  This does not mean disconnecting yourself from people who truly love you, tuning them out of your affairs, or trying to help yourself all by yourself.  It means creating a plan to achieve your goals for yourself, which may include some assistance from parents, friends, teachers, tutors, religious instruction, Bible Study, Sunday Mass or services, and professionals.  Into your plan, you can put whatever type of assistance you require, and you should.  Into your plan you should put whatever you think you need to successfully achieve your goals.
      
    To create a plan, you must be able to:

    1. Say “NO” to some emotions (such as agitation, bitterness, self-pity, boredom, lust, hate, rage, vengeance,  jealousy, negativity, or excessive guilt and shame) that will make it difficult to concentrate on a plan and move toward participating in life as your Father, God, intended (like the strong women of the Bible).

      Stop feeling and thinking about things and start jotting down ideas for your plan – it should be a good, solid 4-10 year plan that takes into account to current problems in your life and your goals based on your strengths (such as creativeness, ability to focus, good leader, good planner), your weaknesses (too shy, too serious, not good at relationship building, not good with numbers, etc.), and preferences The plan should be long enough to require a commitment from you to you.

      Determine with God what should be emphasized in your plan -- that is, where most time and energies need to be focused to have a good probability of success.  Then create your plan.  (Look to the Bible for good examples.)

      Put your plan on paper and into action

    2. Follow your inner direction to stick to the basic plan,except for minor changes or adjustments along the way, with all of its steps – just as you outlined it --  despite inner or outer pulls to ignore the plan or some steps, obstacles that come your way, and hardships.  When you do this, you are being true to yourself.

    Can you recall some times you did something like this – despite difficulties?  Did you feel good about yourself? Strong? Victorious? In control? Relaxed? The more often you do it, the better you get at it.  If your plan is a good one, and God did help you with it, you should feel a sense of peace and joy – which is a way to know you are on track.  Over time, as you act on your plan, you should develop a strong sense of spiritual instinct and self-preservation for the management of yourself and your life with God.  Most successful business people have 10-year and life-plans.

    Through all of the above, you will also begin to respect yourself and have confidence in yourself -- which will make you independent of any “excessive needs” for external love.  Then, if you fall in love, you will know I it is for the right reasons.  

    If you are having difficulties with any of this, or want to review your circumstances with someone, you may wish to see a counselor.  Ask your selected pregnancy care center to recommend someone – people they recommend are generally more familiar with female personality challenges.  As we do have more feelings, it is easier for us to get too caught up in some emotions that thwart our progress.  Talking to another person can help a lot.  Do not hesitate.


     

    Real Love Waits
    ©)KAROL-Davide Publications 2007.  All Rights Reserved.


    To help the relationship progress or
    to test it

    This is a popular reason to have sex.  It is good to think about whether you and your boyfriend or fiancé will be able to live together happily.  But will you achieve your goals or plan by sharing sex or living together? 

    In fact, sharing sex may actually be a big obstacle to all of the above plus it may work to prevent the two of you from evolving the relationship in a way that you really get to know each other – even if you are living together. Pope John Paul II warned all the young people about this often, and thousands of young people at the yearly World Youth Conferences totally agreed with Him, and appreciated Him for telling them the truth. 

    In His own words, and in one of his encyclicals, Evangelium Vitea (the heart of the Gospel of Life)  http://www.vatican.va  he advised young people to beware – that when you live together or begin having sex, the relationship can too easily become about making love rather than getting to know each other and sharing love. In fact, couples who get entrapped in this, quickly find that “making love” can become all consuming – to the extent that doing wholesome things or having conversation is perceived as a nuisance.  When this occurs, you are dealing with a bad habit, like alcohol and drugs.  It must be stopped.  In this situation, the couple are treating each other as objects to be used --  to feel loved or  make love – rather than as persons to be known and loved.  There is no self-giving, and no unity.  There is only a filling of one’s pleasure. Then, over the years, what are you left with when the physical attractions wear off or the pleasure grows dim???? The Reap Team site www.reapteam.org  makes another point. In a relationship outside of marriage, it is really difficult to give “all” of yourself, because there is no solid commitment.  If two partners are not giving their “all” – it will not be the best of relationships.

    How many times have you seen middle aged people who have been married for 20 years or more, who do not know each other or, worse yet, do not seem to even realize that they do not see each others great qualities. Maybe they even criticize each other.  Yet they think they love each other. Their sex or living together has not helped them to build a better love, but has instead allowed them to continue the habit of a type of love that is best defined as a “comfortable relationship”— a “working formula”.  I do not think this is the type of love you want to have for the next 60 or more years.

    Instead, follow what your religions tell you about sex outside of marriage.  Why don’t they think it is good.  What guidelines and assistance do they give you?  Go to them!  Believe them. What does the Bible say? Take a Bible Study course and fortify yourself with the Word of God.   You are our young new adults and career people – the future for a better world depends on you.  Let your religions help you.

    *************

    A better way to evaluate a relationship, is to use the tables in the "Test Your Relationships" section. If you are on the brink of a serious decision, may God guide your thoughts, emotions, and desires as you use the test, the sites we refer you to, and your religions.

    © KAROL-Davide Publications 2007. All Rights Reserved